You may have been able to tell from this blog by now that the counselling I am getting through Lancaster University is the best I have ever had. It is making a real difference.
When I first sat down to start it a couple of months back I said that I was fed up with counselling because it never worked, never made a difference. But this has and is making a great difference in my life.
I have stated this at various sessions and the counsellor asked me last time what the difference was. My instant reaction was to say: "This is reflective rather than absorbing." I always think that he is holding up a mirror for me to look into and ask myself Who Are You?
I hated looking in that mirror at first. I didn't want to see what was there. But gradually I am coming to terms with who and what I am.
Thinking about it since the last session I now realise that I know NOTHING about my counsellor except his name. Before this all those who have been counselling me have been talking about themselves as well as me, and I just let them get on with it. This was not just because I was interested in them, but because it deflected the gaze from me.
My University Counsellor doesn't allow that. He is always bringing the attention back to me. I hated this at first, because I hated myself. But now I rather enjoy looking in that mirror and seeing what I see.
It's quite a revelation.
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