Saturday: Trumpet Call VI

This hall is slightly bigger than Bentham Sunday School. It is the Birmingham NEC Arena.

Thousands of Christians gathered there to pray for the nation at Trumpet Call VI. Audrey, Chris and Julia Balchin and Andrea Dennis travelled down in the Balchin's van while I went in my own car. We met at the entrance and enjoyed a wonderful day of prayer and praisee.

Here you can see some of the groups gathering in the foyer.



God is really on the move in the UK at this time.

It was good to be there and sense the presence of the Holy Spirit.

Friday Evening: Betty and Derek's Golden Wedding

Can it really be 50 years since my wife Audrey, as a little tot, acted as Bridesmaid when her Aunty Betty married Derek Clapham. Well it must be, because all these people crowded into Bentham Sunday School last Friday night to celebrate Betty and Derek's Golden Wedding. Here we see the Happy Couple cutting the cake, as beautiful and handsome as the day they were wed!
These are the family members who graced the top table. You can see Audrey's mum Alice, Betty's older sister, at the top end. It was miracle she was there because she is suffering very badly from Parkinson's Disease.
Do you think the empty chair is for Elijah?!

What a Weekend!

This has been one of the most exciting weekends of my life.

It was so full and exciting that I have to split it into three blogs:

Friday Evening: Betty and Derek's Golden Wedding

Saturday: Trumpet Call VI

Sunday: Morecambe WIN at Wembley

Read on and enjoy.

Thank you

First of all, a big thank you to those who've told me lately how much they enjoy reading this blog. Your appreciation is much appreciated!

Yesterday was Ruskin day, as Thursday usually is for me. So I went off to Lancaster University to get my head down into some books and to try to get my mind around deconstruction.

This is a tool of literary criticism which we three MA students have to use to get to grips with a poem by Andrew Marvel called A Dialogue Between the Soul and Body.

The afternoon seminar was taken by Gill Cockram who talked about Ruskin and Socialism. She made particular mention of Frederic Harrison and Comte.

The place was packed out with the great and the good and they had one of the best discussions I have ever heard there.

It's a pity that the last one of this academic year takes place next week.

Guess who came to dinner? And what we talked about at Breakfast

If you've been reading my blogs over the last year you will know that this guy gets quite a few mentions because I think God is really using him in the Methodist Church today.

Here's his publicity photograph:
And here's one taken just yesterday with the camera set (accidentally) on black and white. I am learning through my photographic mistakes. It is the best way to learn.

Mike Bossingham of the Family Friendly Churches Trust was spending a few days holiday in Ingleton with his wife Ann, and they kindly took us out for a meal at the Wheatsheaf.

It turns out that his wife has another identity. She is also called Ann Barker and writes historical novels.

This fitted in very well with my breakfast table conversation with Audrey:

Audrey: Have you found out who you are yet?

Me: I am a writer. I wrote it in block capitals and put a circle round.

Audrey: To keep your feet on the ground, I think you need to get some advice before you go ahead with this.

So I sent off a message to the Association of Christian Writers. I also quizzed Ann at the Dinner Table, as you can imagine.

Watch this space.

How could I do this?

No pictures today. Just thoughts.

I led a House Group last night. We had a good talk about Hidden Heroes from what Bolt said at IMC last Sunday morning when I was preaching at Burton.

How did I know what he said? Well, I listened to the tape. Then I wrote notes from it and went through them with the group.

This morning I asked myself, and the Lord, how I could do this when I am suffering from depression. The answer came as I saw the light of the sun shining through the clouds. The sun still shines even though the clouds are there.

We looked at the words of Search for the Hero, that classic song by M People. They are a counterpoint to TEARS OF A CLOWN.

Search For The Hero
by M People

Sometimes the river flows but nothing breathes
A train arrives but never leaves
It's a shame
Oh, life like love that's walked out of the door
Of being rich or being poor
Such a shame

But it's then, then that faith arrives
To make your feelings alive
And that's why (why) you should keep on aiming high
Just seek yourself and you will shine

Chorus:
You've got to search for the hero inside yourself
Search for the secrets you hide
Search for the hero inside yourself
Until you find the key to your life

In this life, long and hard though it may seem
Live it as you'd live a dream
Aim so high
Just keep the flame of truth burning bright
The missing treasure you must find
Mm, mm, mm

Because you and only you alone
Can build a bridge across the stream
Weave your spell in life's rich tapestry
Your passport to a feeling supreme

Chorus

You've got to search inside yourself
Deep, deep down inside yourself, yeah
You've got to search inside yourself

Chorus

Search for the hero inside yourself (oh, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Search for the secrets you hide (all of the secrets you hide)
Search for the hero inside yourself (you'll find the hero)
Until you find the key to your life

You've got to search inside yourself - You've got to search

Harrogate for a Fiver

I went Harrogate yesterday on the train, using a special deal on my Dales Rail Card. You can read about the journey on my brand new Public Transport Blog - Taken for a Ride www.taken4aride.blogspot.com. The number 4 is very important - only by using it can you get to this latest addition to the blogosphere.

So what did I find when I got there? Well, the first thing to see after coming out of the station was this magnificent, new building - the Victoria Shopping Centre. True to form in Harrogate, where everything, including even the car park, is of elegant architecture, this edifice was based on an Italian design by Palladio.

The next piece of neo-classical chic was the Conference Centre, now celebrating its 25th anniversary. Here is some of its splendour.

One thing that Harrogate always has is open space. This is called the Stray and was given to the town by the King in the 1780's. How do I know this, well I bought a book about the history of Harrogate in a charity shop, of which there were quite a few.

You can see the pavilion in the middle ground and the Turkish Baths in the background. The whole area reminded me of Baden Baden in Germany, which is also a Spa town.

This is the Harrogate Burgher's homage to Queen Victoria when she celebrated her Golden Jubilee in 1887. She looks as though she is going to fall over. "We are not amused!"

And after this you can see the Council Offices. Why the Council Offices? Well, they are a magnificent structure too, quite in keeping with the rest of the town.
The art galleries were shut because it was Monday, but I'd like to go back and see them when they are open.

What I did at the Weekend Part 2

Saturday night was the Chapel Party. You can see the youngsters lined up in two rows to go rushing about.

I didn't rush about. I tucked into a good tea and then a good talk to a couple of mates, one of whom is going through the same as me, except that he hasn't packed his job in...yet.

Sunday morning I preached at Burton. I walked up and down and shouted as usual. This time it was about "I can do everything through him who gives me strength". I preached as much to myself as to them.

Then I went back to IMC to drink coffee, network and generally chew the rag. I can't bear to be away from the place.

In the afternoon we watched Man U lose to West Ham but parade the silverware. At night I sang my heart out at the Shepherd's Choir. That gets my endorphins going!

TEARS OF A CLOWN

These are the words of my favourite pop song. Because I seem quite happy when in public but feel sad inside at home, they reflect my true feelings at the moment:

Oh yeah yeah yeah

Now if there's a smile on my face

It's only there trying to fool the public

But when it comes down to fooling you

Now honey that's quite a different subject

But don't let my glad expression

Give you the wrong impression

Really I'm sad, oh I'm sadder than sad

You're gone and I'm hurtin' so bad

Like a clown I pretend to be glad

Now there's some sad things known to man

But ain't too much sadder than

The tears of a clown, when there's no one around

Uh hum, oh yeah baby

Now if I appear to be carefree

It's only to camouflage my sadness

And honey to shield my pride I try

To cover this hurt with a show of gladness

But don't let my show convince you

That I've been happy since you

Decided to go, oh I need you so

I'm hurt and I want you to know

But for others I put on a show, ooh yeah

{repeat CHORUS}

Just like Pagliacci did I try to keep my surface hid

Smiling in the public eye

But in my lonely room I cry

The tears of a clown

When there's no one around, oh yeah, baby baby

Now if there's a smile on my face

Don't let my glad expression

Give you the wrong impression

Don't let this smile I wear

Make you think that I don't care

When really I'm sad, I’m hurting so bad.

Just on thing more - who the heck is Pagliacci ?

What I did at the Weekend Part 1

The title of today's blog sounds like a Primary School Essay Title set on a Monday morning. Well, teacher, I went to Morecambe on buses from Bentham. You can see us approaching Morecambe on Bus 2A looking at the view of the Lune and Carlisle Bridge.

Then we went through Torrisholme.

When I got to Christie Park, the home of Morecambe FC I was astounded to see how few people were there to buy Wembley tickets. I got three behind the goal for me, Nathan and Chris Dent.

Then I hared off to the University. By the time the bus got there it looked like this:

There was only me on it! When I go on a Thursday it's usually packed.

That's my Boy!

Nathan and I went to the IMC Football Club Dinner at Arkholme last night.
It was a great evening with good food and scintillating company. You can see Nathan and his pals here and also my empty seat and companions. They include Joyce whom I have known for thirty years and John whom I am just getting to know. He's an evangelist.

I
It was great to see Nathan awarded the Loyalty Award. He has been very faithful to the team - turning up at practices, getting his fitness improved and even joining the over-40s football session on a Wednesday on the all-weather pitch.
He didn't play a lot, because of his skills level.
So he deserved it.








When we got home he was really pleased that he had won. And so were we!

Proud or What?

Look at This!

Here's one I made earlier.

What do you think of that?!

Meeting People

If there's one thing I like to do it is to meet people.

I met a guy at Bentham Station and got to know him on the train. He told me two interesting things:

1 There is a course about Digital Photography starting at Hornby Institute on 6 June. Perhaps it would help me improve pictures like the one I took of Lancaster Station yesterday. You can see it at the top of this blog.

2 He is a mortgage broker and could help get a better deal for our buy-to-let mortgages.

I've got his contact details.

At the University MA Seminar I read out my paper calling it a deconstruction. But irony held the day. The Professor told me that I had put a new historicist critique together with a post modern expose but had not actually gone on to deconstruction (!) Talk about the blind leading the blind!

Anyway, I did mention the prophet Ezekiel in it and he was mentioned again in the afternoon seminar which was a discussion on Modern Painters 2.

I borrowed one of Keith Hanley's books explaining what Modernism is. I found it fascinating.

Lynn helped me pick up some books about Modern Literary Criticism from the University Library. I hope to devour parts of them this week.

I met some more people in the afternoon. One was a Canadian Librarian who was visiting Pauline and the other a lady from a URC Church in Lancaster.

The day ended with me watching Jim'll Fix It Strikes Again on UKTV Gold. Last one, sadly.

Resignation comes as a shock

I went back into Pendle yesterday. It was the first time back after my resignation was officially announced in all the churches.

I was attending a Hope 2008 prayer meeting at Shekinah. I told Sue Butler first and she seemed pretty shocked. She said she had just been on a 5 day silent retreat at Loyola Hall in Rainhill. Funnily enough, as I came down the narrow road to the farm I was thinking I needed to get away and think about things. She even told me how she went by train. Is this the Lord speaking?

After grabbing a cup of coffee and hug from Vy Dean I told Barbara McCarton and Audrey Mudd. They were shocked too.

Then we got down to prayer and praise. Peter Capstick read out a long list of churches which are praying for Hope 2008 and then said there weren't enough! I reminded him how far we had come in the last two years. I hope it helped. Barbara felt the Holy Spirit was showing her that I should be involved in promoting Hope 2008 in Burnley and Pendle.

After lunch with Peter C I went home and produced a film. Sounds good doesn't it? I got my video camera going, produced an introduction and conclusion to camera, and put stills from The Great Wedding in between. I did intend to put it on here but it's more complicated than I thought. Look out for it later.

Before tea I wrote a poststructural criticism of a piece of writing by Ruskin on Religion. I have to read it out today as a paper in the MA Seminar. Pray for me.

I feel a bit better today, you'll be glad to know. Thanks to Alison for all her kind words after yesterday's diatribe.

Why is doing ANYTHING so difficult?

I hate doing things. I love thinking about doing things. I love praying about doing things. But actually doing them is a NIGHTMARE! Why?

I think about doing things. I'll say I'll do things. Sometimes I'll even promise to do things. But I don't do them. Why not?

I'm fed up of being like this. Men aren't supposed to be like this. Christian leaders aren't supposed to be like this. So why am I like this?

I am coming to the conclusion that I don't do anything because I think I'll get it wrong. I have this mantra in my head: "I'm useless. I'm a failure. I'll get it wrong. It will all go wrong." So I don't do it.

I was advised yesterday to get some self-help tapes about "positive thinking". But I've been for counselling, been on retreat, taken courses but I'm still the same. Why?

As I ask God these questions I think I hear him say "You've been listening to the wrong messages."

I don't know about Finding My Way Home. I seem a bit lost at the moment.

But I'm always talking about people being "saved" and "led by the Spirit". So what am I doing down here in this pit? Is this really the way home?

We're on our Way to Wembley!

WHERE’S THE BALL?!
You may not have realised it from my previous blogs but I and my boys are Morecambe FC fans.

Nathan and I went to their ground Christie Park yesterday to see them play York City.

This was no ordinary match, but a play-off semi-final with the winner going to Wembley.

After a very bad start, giving away a penalty and seeing the goalkeeper carried off injured, the Shrimps picked themselves up, dusted themselves off and did the job - 2-1!

WE’RE ON OUR WAY TO WEMBLEY!

Pete Resigns - It's Official!

Grandad
Grannie
Audrey and Pearl
Duncan Woollerton

I don't blog on Sundays so each Monday will feature What I Did At The Weekend.

Yesterday in all the Methodist Churches in Burnley and Pendle the following statement was read out:


"Pete McCabe has resigned as the Evangelism Enabler for the Burnley and Pendle Circuits so that he can use his strengths and gifts to serve God in other ways.
We thank him for his friendliness and commitment and wish him God's richest blessing for the future."

So it's official. Pete has resigned.

How does Pete feel? To be honest, deep down I wonder if I can ever work for anybody again.

Looking back over the last five years since I first went to the Doctor with Depression I have been struggling to cope. But GOD IS ABLE!

Yesterday at IMC Nick Paterson read out a poem by Dietrich Bonhoeffer called "Who Am I?" It was poignant.

One of the sentences in Nick's sermon hit me like an arrow. "The adventure of faith begins at your point of resignation." Wow!

At lunchtime we entertained Audrey's Mum and Dad - or Grandad and Grannie as they are known to the family. You can see their pictures.

In the evening we had supper with Pearl and Duncan Woollerton. You can see them too. What more could you want?! They helped us to think through the situation and look to the future. God bless them.

Peter Parker - Who are you?!

This question - Who are you? - was hanging over me yesterday. It was first uttered by the counsellor I saw at the University in the afternoon. I was struck dumb. I found it difficult to answer. It was like having a mirror lifted up and held before me, but I didn't want to look into it.

But I had to. And I have to.

As I rode the bus to Morecambe to watch Spiderman 3 I knew the film would cover the same ground. And so it did. Peter Parker has to discover his true identity - Who are you? It's the question that his girlfriend MJ asks at the lowest point in their relationship. His reply: "I don't know!" sums up mine at the moment. Go and see the film. It's quirky but it asks a lot of questions.

Finally I got a bus to Lancaster for a meal with the men from IMC. But there was only Ray and his not-yet-believing neighbour there. But we had a great time.

At the top you can see the view I had from the bus stop in Morecambe.

Travel @ 3.95

View from the bus
Alhambra
Trinity


Was it God or was it Fors (chance) ? I got to Lancaster Train Station yesterday just in time to see the X1 bus setting off for the University without me on it. So I decided to eat my sandwiches and catch a later one. I had just finished when Nathan rang my mobile phone and asked me to go to Morecambe to pick up tickets for the play-off match on Monday.





So I caught a bus from the bus station and bought a Bay Rover ticket. This cost £3.95, exactly the same as my rail ticket. Is there something about transport that stops at this number?

I got off at Christie Park, bought the tickets, got back on to another bus to the Battery and went on to the sands.

Then I walked along looking at the sights, including the old Trinity Church and the Alhambra. The old Methodist Church looked like an anachronism so it's a good job it closed down. The old theatre is still in use as a nightclub.

It was great, walking along the Prom listening to the Carpenters on my ipod as they sang "I'm on Top of the World" because I did feel great in the sunshine. Then they started with "Ticket to Ride" and I thought about my £3.95 tickets.

I always watch Spider Man when on the day of its release but I thought I couldn't this time as I am having a Chinese with the lads from IMC. But then I thought, what about the afternoon? So I bought a ticket for tomorrow.





Then it was back on a bus to the University. The first stage was from West End Morecambe to Lancaster Bus Station and the passengers were mainly school kids from Morecambe High. The second stage was from the Bus Station to the University and the passengers were mainly students. But one lad from Morecambe High travelled all the way to the outskirts of Lancaster.





Then it was to the afternoon Ruskin seminar which was all about Fors - the outside chance. It was a bit over my head. But it means I have to aim high, so that's good. The very last comment likened Fors Clavigera to a blog. Am I the new Ruskin?!!!

And the doctor said....

So I went to the Doctor and he said:

1 I could have a month sick note and take time out

2 He would write a letter to support my application for Disabled Students Allowance

3 It is too early to talk about the future (or Finding my way home) so he told me to make an appointment in three weeks time. So I am due back at 8.30 a.m. on Thursday 24 May.

What will God have done by then, I wonder.

Beautiful Burnley

What! Beautiful Burnley? Who's he kidding?!

No. It's true. I spent this afternoon wandering in Towneley Hall and its beautiful park in Burnley. I have worked in that town for two and a half years and never knew what a glorious park it contained.

You can see some of the pictures I took.

So if you go to Burnley prepare to be surprised!

Finding out more

I went to Student Support at Lancaster University and spoke to the Diability Officer today (this is not her!).

She advised me to see my doctor (as everybody does) and to apply for Disabled Student Allowance. She said that because I had been depressed and on medication for years that I would qualify. All I need is a letter from my GP.

So I filled in the form and checked a few things with Lauren in her office. While we were there we looked at the picture above. So I was with Lauren in her office looking at a picture of Lauren in her office. It was surreal!

Then I called in at the CAB Lancaster. Guess what advice I got: go and see your doctor. I thought: every road leads to Dr Howlett!

The last time I saw him I told him that I could manage for a year on one pill a day. Now my life's fallen apart and I've got to go crawling back! God give me the grace to do it!

Moving on...

I went to see my boss Andrew Turner yesterday and talked to him about my future. He says that the two Circuits will pay me two months salary. That's a generous answer to prayer.

We also drew up a statement to be read in all the churches on Sunday.

I then went to see Peter Capstick at Shekinah. We prayed and sought the Lord together. He has been my greatest friend and support throughout this adventure. God bless him.

I had to ring Mike Bossingham and tell him I wouldn't be involved with his Family Friendly Weekend in Burnley and Pendle any more. That was hard, for him and for me. But he's coming up to Ingleton soon, so I will see him then. He has been a great help and support to me too.

Yesterday evening was the IMC Intercession Group. There was a real sense of unity there. I felt it was like the old Band meetings from long ago in Methodism.