I hate doing things. I love thinking about doing things. I love praying about doing things. But actually doing them is a NIGHTMARE! Why?
I think about doing things. I'll say I'll do things. Sometimes I'll even promise to do things. But I don't do them. Why not?
I'm fed up of being like this. Men aren't supposed to be like this. Christian leaders aren't supposed to be like this. So why am I like this?
I am coming to the conclusion that I don't do anything because I think I'll get it wrong. I have this mantra in my head: "I'm useless. I'm a failure. I'll get it wrong. It will all go wrong." So I don't do it.
I was advised yesterday to get some self-help tapes about "positive thinking". But I've been for counselling, been on retreat, taken courses but I'm still the same. Why?
As I ask God these questions I think I hear him say "You've been listening to the wrong messages."
I don't know about Finding My Way Home. I seem a bit lost at the moment.
But I'm always talking about people being "saved" and "led by the Spirit". So what am I doing down here in this pit? Is this really the way home?
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1 comment:
Morning Pete,
This is for the 2nd time !.... Recovery is a process...a journey... not always a straight line but ups and downs and if it's a difficult day then rest - give yourself permission to do whatever it is that feeds your soul.
I don't think retreats / counselling fix us - they give us tools to overcome the messages deep within us from the past & when we're well we use them - when we're ill, just lift your feet up and sink into the Lord
God bless you Pete
Alison
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