Not all plain sailing

I had to go and see another doctor yesterday. This one works on behalf of the Department of Work and Pensions. He asked me a lot of questions about how my condition affects my every day life.

He began by explaining why he was asking these questions and then stopped me a time or two to clarify things. This was very helpful as last time I sat there wondering why I was answering all these stupid questions. Now I know.

When we got home and Audrey went to work I discovered that though I am not so depressed any more, I am still dopey. In other words, I still get mixed up.

I found out that I have ordered a debit card for the wrong account because I did not realise we had two accounts with the same bank. I also have booked myself to be in Peterborough and Painswick at the same time.

These two errors started me down the slippery slope of self-doubt which I have been climbing out of lately. But by the grace of God I will overcome them and keep going.

When Audrey came back from work we went out for a meal to celebrate our anniversary. We went to the Marton Arms in Thornton-in-Lonsdale.

So ended our first thirty year together. I pray that the next thirty will be even better.

Job search

I feel like a new kid on the block. Looking for a job after all these months away from work seems a bit strange. But it was great to ring the personnel office of a factory and ask for an application form. It felt good to talk to the staff member at an employment agency, and to ask one of my old bosses for a reference. Maybe I do feel better about myself.

The most I can legally work at the moment is 12 hours a week. If I do this I can still get state Incapacity Benefit while I work myself into earning my own living again. It's a good idea.

I went to see the Doctor again today. He was delighted at my feeling better as he didn't know what to do for me next. It felt good to make him feel better. The roles were reversed.

I have learned a lot about the medical system while I have been making so much use of it. My first idea was to be passive and let the professionals tell me what to do. Now I realise I have to be pro-active and take responsibility for my own progress. It's daunting but more mature.

And another doctor said..

I had to go and see a doctor about my Incapacity Benefit this morning.

He asked some strange questions which didn't seem to have anything to do with depression.

For instance, he enquired if I made the tea and helped around the house. What's that got to do with anything?

Another seemingly unrelated question was what I like to watch on TV. Why did he ask these things?

Well, I'll see if I gave the right answers in a few weeks time.

Back Again

I went to the doctor again and talked about ADD. He said he would look into it.

I talked to a friend on the way home and she said to take time out.

I then went to the Pendle Prayer Meeting at Shekinah and found it very difficult to concentrate for two reasons: 1: I was so tired 2: I wasn't thinking properly. Peter Capstick suggested I put together a book on the Christian heritage of Pendle. But because of my state of mind my enthusiasm for this was not great.

Back home I slept on the settee for an hour and then rejoiced at being back on the Internet on my laptop. This was fixed by Matthew Page from Bentham last night. But I couldn't get onto this blog.

The early evening was spent at Redshaw talking things over with Martin Coates. He gave me a lot to think about.

The rest of the evening was spent watching "Springwatch" and a nature programme on the Wye Valley. I think Springwatch is one of the best things the BBC has ever done. Well done them.

And the doctor said....

So I went to the Doctor and he said:

1 I could have a month sick note and take time out

2 He would write a letter to support my application for Disabled Students Allowance

3 It is too early to talk about the future (or Finding my way home) so he told me to make an appointment in three weeks time. So I am due back at 8.30 a.m. on Thursday 24 May.

What will God have done by then, I wonder.